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Covid Diaries from Sliven- Tamar Chkhikvadze

Wednesday: I feel exhausted, my body starts shivering, and I am cold. All I want is to sleep. All night and all day.

Thursday: I have a hard time waking up. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get out of bed. In the evening, my sense of smell faded. 

Friday: My taste has gone, I don’t feel anything, but pain in my body, my muscles, and joints.

Saturday:  I am scared. It seems as if I cannot breathe. That might be just my imagination, but I lost my appetite. 

Sunday: I forced myself to walk all day long. I tried my best not to stop, but it was impossible. I miss the outdoors. I miss the old days. 

There are always two sides to every story. One is just short and full of facts. The other is feelings and emotions. 

Finally, after two years and vaccination  Covid and I  met each other.  The meeting was not pleasant, but I found it emotionally touching. The situation resembled my old depression story when I wanted to disappear from my life and be transparent. 

What was it like to be locked in a room for two weeks?  What did you learn when you returned to the outside world after being locked in a room?  What did you see?  What did you say? 

I’m not the first nor the last person to have  Covid-19 and spent weeks in isolation. Sometimes people need a fresh start. Sometimes our emotions become too much to handle. Sometimes we need to be alone. wake up every day, check covid -19 daily statistics, wear a face mask and try to keep a distance. I’m tired and I’ve said that many times.  

Nevertheless, my days at home were an opportunity to be extremely productive, but I felt as if someone was whispering to me from under my left ear, telling me, C’mon can you stop working at least once? Not possible. I cannot change my mood or my character. I just started to do something or nothing.  Each day, the sun’s rays shine on my face and into my green room. Afterward, sleeping is difficult, and fidgeting and moving in bed is not always pleasant. I love it when the sun comes into my room.   After the sun pigeons keep my company. 

Every day they knock my window hard, hang out in front of me and then leave. I suppose that they have got City of Pigeons at my window. They have nests here and because of that they always have a reason to return to the window where it’s green and one Georgian Girl lives. 

I haven’t read much lately, that makes me crazy. I hate myself for not being able to read.  I promised one of my friends from Chile that I would keep reading  “The Feast of the Goat”, the Novel by Mario Vargas Llosa. The story of Dominican dictator Trujillo is very interesting, but I need a lot of effort to just keep reading.  I do not know, maybe I have grown up. 

Every night, I count the yellow lights in opposite houses from my window. The clock has struck midnight and they are not asleep. We all, humans, think about something through these yellow lights, and I believe that binds us together. 

I feel like I’m missing something. Suddenly, I remember Sliven’s fall. Fall in Sliven is spectacular, especially with the colorful umbrellas in the center.  When it rains, though, this city feels so depressing. Heavy grey fog and mood covered everything and you had to be strong to fight the melancholy. 

On gray days, I count birds. In front of my house, they fly in small groups, looking like little dots in the sky. I just listen to music and think about the voices outside. 

Only after something happens in our life do we appreciate what we had. This is like a lesson in life. It’s just something we have grown accustomed to. Every sunrise and sunset is a miracle. 

Finally, here is a time when you are outside and enjoy the blue sky, yellow leaves, brown and black soil, dried roses, grey and colorful buildings, flags, planes, animals, people, just details that make you happy.  Everything is right in front of us every day, but  The truth is that we don’t see or hear them, we just don’t notice. In the moment of realizing we are alive and knowing how awesome it is to be alive, everything we see around us is part of our lives, which may be an illusion but is nonetheless something that makes up our day-to-day existence.

Here are pictures that I collected in the streets of Sliven. The pictures are not distinctive, I just tried to catch what we see every day, and more often we do not notice how beautiful are this everything.

 

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